Monday, April 19, 2010

Strolling Through Blogs

At times I like to take a stroll through the blogs. I readily admit that I do not look through the ones that focus only on children. I understand their focus. I would have done the same thing when mine were small if we had the options of blogs on the web. Mine were born before the web was for the everyperson. At this time of my life, I enjoy reading about life outside of small people. Before anyone takes offense, let me explain.

I was one of those people who graduated high school without real conviction about where I wanted to go. I already had a full-time job and moved to a different job after a promotion. I stayed there until after life happened, I got married, and I started having kids. For the next 20 years, my life was all about kids and nothing but kids. One of them had recurring health issues and that further changed my focus in life. I was not alone. Millions and millions of women do the exact same thing. But somewhere along the way, I lost me. It took a major upheaval and loss to help me find myself.

I know it sounds cliché. I have read this in different books all my life, but I can say it is true. I was lost after Amanda died and was in a very bad place emotionally. For the next two years I floated through life. I started working at McDonald’s because it was a safe place for me. I knew that job like the back of my hand. It would give me something to do and keep my focus in a different place than the hole it was in at the time. During that time, I was separated from my husband and I was living with a person who was not good for me. Needless to say, my progress was not as fast as it should have been. Once I got out of that house, the improvement did start.

For the next few months I worked at a bowling alley. The person I worked for has a unique way of dealing with his employees. I got so angry one day, I quit. It really was not the best thing for me to do, but it sent me on the path I follow today. Not only did my path change, it changed in a big way.

The first thing I had to take care of was a new job. That only took about a month. I have learned over the years how to network and thank goodness one of my contacts is a friend of mine. She took care of the job situation for me. Then it was on to the next phase. That consisted of taking a big leap of faith. I had to have faith I could conquer that step. It was going to college. I graduated high school in 1980. I did not start college until 2008. Twenty-eight years after I graduated, I finally went to college. What a rush that was.

At first, I was completely intimidated. There was the flurry of applications, testing, and getting transcripts from high school. I made phone calls and faxed many pieces of paper for the college so I could even think about starting. I still had a niggling thought in the back of my mind, that I would not be able to do it. It seemed almost surreal to be really happening. To make it even more intimidating, it would all be done………online! When I started school, I was still rather computer illiterate. I could surf the web, write emails, send attachments, and change my desktop picture. That was about the extent. My, how times have changed.

I have learned so much about myself that I never knew. I found out I am capable of so much more than I ever thought I could be. Not only am I succeeding in school, I thoroughly enjoy the challenge even when I am stumped. The person who has emerged is somewhat different from the person I thought I was. I still have the same convictions regarding society that I had when I was 18. The civil rights movement is near and dear to my heart because I truly believe in equality for all. It is tempered somewhat by what a person does, but not by how they look or what color their skin is. I believe prejudice in any form is wrong. That is a fundamental part of my core. I have become more confident in who I am and what I am capable of.

What I believe is the adversity in my life has made me stronger than I thought I could ever be. It has taken a very long time to get here, but I am enjoying the ride. I think I am still searching for answers because when we stop searching, we stop living.


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