Friday, April 16, 2010

Blaming Others

Over the years, I have learned a few things. Maybe I have not learned as much as my mom would like, but I have learned a few things about human nature. One of the most curious traits I have encountered is called “It’s someone else’s fault”.

Blaming others for everything that happens to us is not a good thing. Learning how to accept responsibility for our own actions is the best way to go. The problem occurs when you make all these accusations public. There is usually misinformation sent out that can be outright lies. It also assumes things about others that are not in any way correct. Remember what assume means. Break it down.
I realize that most people do not really get that concept.

Recently we have been experiencing some problems with my son’s ex-girlfriend. I know my son has his faults but we ALL do. Because we are human, we tend to make mistakes. I have yet to meet anyone who doesn’t. The problem with the ex-girlfriend is that EVERYTHING is his fault. She accepts NO responsibility for anything she says or does. In the past, she has made repeated calls or texts to his phone that has run up the phone bill that I have had to pay. One very early morning, (about 1:30 a.m.), she sent over 40 text messages and her reason was he was not answering her. He was asleep. At other times she has called every 10 seconds because he refused to pick up the phone and let her scream at him. She doesn’t understand that at all. She thinks he needs to let her scream at him and do exactly what she wants.

Life has been a bit scary with her in it. In the past, she has not only harassed him, and me at times, with the phone, but she has also made it known that she was watching the house. Before she made that comment, she had burned a box of his clothes in front of the house in the very early morning hours because she was mad at him. There was also over $2500 worth of damage to his car. The vandalism to it was awful. These things have been going on for almost three years now and they have two children together.

The worst part of it is that her family gets involved and there seems to be no stopping them. Her mother has even called me and told me I am this terrible grandmother because I do not jump and follow what her daughter wants me to do. Quite frankly, it is getting harder to do anything for her because I don’t trust her. If I went there to help, will she call the police to have me arrested because she has some need to “get back at me” for any wrongly perceived insult? Even with all the things she did in the past, we took her in to our house and gave her a place to live because she had no other place to go. I don’t know.

Just yesterday she was arrested for unpaid fines. The police did a random tag search and found out she had the warrant. She turned around and blamed my son for giving them a tip. SHE has the unpaid fines, but MY son was responsible for the random tag search. Her mother thinks we owed her a place to live because of the things my son did not do for her. Of course, her mother kicked her out of her house when she did not have a place to go.

I see that blaming everyone else for any problems they have runs in the family. They are teaching those kids the same things. I am very concerned for how the kids will turn out. They will hear terrible, nasty things about their father and his family. That is not how you should raise kids. Teaching them to blame others and talk about others with the same vitriol they hear will turn them into people others will not like. They will have self esteem issues and not be liked by others. What a sad life they will have and I don’t know how to help them at this point. They should be ashamed of themselves for their selfishness.


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