What is your real age? I think mine is still pretty young. Of course I don't go out like I did when I was younger but does that mean I'm getting old? NO!!! It means that I have figured out what makes me tick. It isn't the social scene because I realized that I like myself and spending time with myself is not a bad thing. I do what I want when I'm alone and not what everyone else wants. I'm not being drug from one bar to the next and I'm not being forced to talk to someone I don't have anything in common with. It isn't that I don't like to be with others, it's just that I do that all day at work. Then I'm on someone else's time. After work, it's my time. What is wrong with that?



I think that if most people were to learn what makes them tick and what makes them content earlier in life, they would have a much more satisfying personal life. I still think as young as I was at 18. I just don't feel I have as much to prove. Maybe only to myself. That's ok too. It means I'm still challenging myself to be better. Right now the focus is on school. I raised the kids and lost one to cancer. After the serious depression with that I came out with an attitude that tells me anything is possible. I was always getting by either financially or emotionally. With the education, I'll be able to improve both. It will allow me to travel where I want and have more personal time for myself. Both of those things have been lacking in my life so far.



I guess the lesson everyone should take is this: Learn to like yourself and you will enjoy the things in life that make you happy.

I would like to know how our gas prices got so high. No, really. I watched a few minutes of the Senate hearings when they were grilling the oil company bigwigs and I am just flabbergasted. How can someone justify a $12 million dollar bonus on top of what is likely an exhorbitant salary? What I don't understand is that they aren't just screwing with the general public, they are ripping food right out of their own employee's mouths. There is no way they give all their employees breaks on the gas they have to buy to go work for them. I realize it isn't cheap to get from the crude to the gas form, but why do they get to make a fortune in one year while the rest of us can't afford health care? What about the kids out there that need food or clothing?





I'm not saying we should not let people get rich in this country, but when there is such a discrepancy between the classes, there should be some accountability to these extremely rich people not helping more than they are. I can barely pay my taxes every year between the federal, state and local and I do without a lot of things because of it. I can't visit my family now because there isn't any money and with gas prices as high as they are, I can't even think about it. I'm not asking for myself. I realize there are a lot of people worse off than me. But that means there are very hard-working people out there that don't even have as much as I do. That's scary. Somebody should sit up and take notice and do something.

What does it take to make someone's day? It's relatively simple. Just smile at them. I mean a real smile. How hard is that to do? Apparently, it can be very difficult as I was reminded today.

I was leaving the grocery store and almost ran into someone. I smiled at her and said excuse me even though she was coming in the exit. I didn't think anything about that. Her response was this, "At least you smiled. The other lady just frowned at me." How many of us have gone in the wrong door? Iknow I have. What's the big deal? And why do we have to make the other person feel bad about it?

Think about how it makes you feel when someone smiles at you. I know it makes me feel better no matter what kind of day I'm having. It means someone noticed me. I made enough of an impression for someone to appreciate seeing me. I know that may sound corny, but think about the cashier you notice is having a bad day. I've done this and it works. I smile at her and she smiles back. It gets you into a conversation with her and she seems to perk right up. How many people had been rude or inconsiderate to her that day? What does your smile do for her? It gets her out the funk she may have been in most of the day. If not for the rest of the day, but at least for a while. How hard was that to do? Not very.

Remember everyone needs a pick-me-up once in a while. Why not make it a great part of your day, and make it happen.

Today I was reminded that I have a friend outide of my family. That's really cool. He's having a bad time these days, but he took the time to listen to me and let me know he's there for me. Once in a while you need to have someone like that to give you the emotional boost that gets you through the day.

Trust is a big word. It also has a big meaning. It encompasses a large group of different meanings to different people. To children, it means the inner circle of their lives. To younger people, it means "I've known you for a while and you've never done anything bad to me so I trust you". As we grow older, however, it becomes a very complicated word. It changes with life experience.



To abused children, it becomes a very muddled and complicated thing to figure out. (And, yes, I know what I'm talking about). You know the person who abused you, but generally speaking, the other people in your life know nothing about the abuse and don't understand certain changes in your personality. They don't know why you withdraw from some things and not others. As a child, you think others will be able to figure it out just by looking at you. Throw in the guilt aspect of it, and trust becomes a difficult thing to do. This just sets up the rest of their muddled life.



For some, it depends on their friends they've had. How did that person respond to a situation where you had an emotional upheaval? If they weren't supportive, you no longer trust your own emotions. You may think you are the one with all the problems. If they tell others of your feelings, you no longer feel you will be able to trust anyone as a friend again. That means you really don't have many friends if any. You can't let your gaurd down.

For others, trust in a romantic relationship is almost impossible. Most of us have had a relationship where the other person cheated on us. I don't know too many of us that haven't had that happen. (I realize that most people have no boundaries which makes them hurt the rest of us). Most people who have a real hard time trusting again are the ones who had a more emotional childhood upheaval. The lack of trust permeates the rest of our love life. Sometimes we figure it out, but most often not.

Learned behavior is also a huge portion of our trust. If we have a parent who always goes at life as though everyone is out to get them, we will have the same issues. We will not trust others to have our best interests at heart. We will always feel that our partners only have bad intentions in store. That can affect having a real conversation, because we won't really listen to what they have to say. That means we will never be truly close, because we won't truly know them.

Trust is a BIG deal. CWITGO

If you dwell on the past, you can never move forward. That is my philosphy. Everyone has gone or will go through something traumatic in their life. I went through the loss of a child. Others have been through abuse, a life-threatening illness (themselves or a loved one), or a serious accident. Whatever it may be, it is extremely difficult to get through. The thing that makes us better is how we deal with it. Do we sit back and say "Oh woe is me", or do we say "Okay, now that I went through this, it wasn't as bad as I thought and I'm still breathing"? I truly believe that if you take the second path, you will be much happier with your life. It doesn't matter if you struggle financially everyday. It is recognizing what you need for contentment that makes the difference. What is REALLY important to you?


I am often struck by the people who want to go over and over the events of the past. I am talking about those people who want to use that to make themselves feel better. Those are the ones who feel sorry for themselves 24/7 and don't really understand that they have an extremely negative effect on those around them. I knew someone who was like that. She had not had a very good childhood and then was diagnosed with MS in her 30's. She wasn't having serious symptoms yet. And before anyone says I'm being disrespectful to anyone with MS, remember I lost a child to cancer and have great empathy for people with chronic or terminal illnesses. The problem I had with her was that she had a very mild case of it for the first several years of diagnosis. In other words, she was not suffering anywhere close to some people I know with it. But you would think listening to her, she was in the mid to final stages of it. I found that quite offensive in that I know there are a lot more people out there in much worse pain and discomfort than she was at the time and she could never see past her own nose.

When we became friends, I had just lost my daughter and was in such a hole emotionally that I was almost numb. I didn't really feel much for a long time. That's when she pounced. I say that because she pursued the friendship. After about 2 years, I woke up from my depression and decided to return to the real world and be human again. She couldn't handle that. Every time we would have a talk about anything, she really didn't listen to me. I started realizing that she would start the conversation about me. It wouldn't be long before it turned to her. It was always that she had a bad day. This was every day. Without fail. The negativity permeated her whole being. This was her constant state of being. After we had a major falling out, we didn't talk for a couple of months. When we did, she kept trying to go back and talk about what went wrong. For normal people, that's actually healthy because you can see what needed to be addressed. For her, it was a way of turning it into my fault. I mean, it was never a real discussion, it was a way for her to say, she was wronged and someone else was responsible. I found out later that she was telling other people that I was not a very good person. It doesn't bother me because I know I'm not and I'm not in that hole of an emotional drain I was in.

This is what I mean by moving forward. If I had stayed in that frame of mind, I would have been a miserable human being that no one wanted to be around. I don't know how anyone can live that way. In my opinion, had I not gotten past the depression, I would have been disrespecting the memory of an awesome little girl. Instead of remembering the good, fun, and special moments of her life, I would have just remembered the worst part of her life. That just isn't right. Everyone should remember the reasons why you loved that person, not what took them from you. If you don't move forward, you won't enjoy those little things that actually make life worth living for. CWITGO

Today, I finished the first term of school. I'm doing the "New Age" kind of school. It's all online. After nearly 30 years of being out of school, online is a little more than I think I bargained for. Not being able to talk to an instructor in person is a bit overwhelming at times. Let's face it, I wasn't raised in the era of computers. My kids went to school and worked on computers. Part of their curriculum was a computer class! The closest I got to that was a typing class that was done on an electric. Not quite the same. I did survive though and I think that's all that counts. Of course, there are many more classes to go, so I should be really computer literate when I get done. Good luck to all those trying to do the same.