I have a friend who is always being goofy but always seems to know when he should call. I don't know how he does it, but we must be on the same wavelength most of the time. Since I decided to go back to school, I've had a fairly easy time of it, but the class that started today has me really freaked out. (Imagine not having been in school for almost 30 years and having to take an algebra class after all that time.) I've been rather uneasy about it. We email fairly regularly but not much on the phone. Yesterday he called. How great was that?

I was reminded yesterday that grief is a process. A friend of mine has been having a hard time lately with a lot of things in her life. I don't think most people really understand grief.

I lost my daughter, Amanda, to cancer almost 5 years ago. The overwhelming grief that followed nearly swallowed me whole. I went to bed for over a year. I really didn't have much in the way of emotional support during that time either. My brothers and my mom called regularly, but they don't live here. They are more than 400 miles away. There wasn't much they could do for me from that distance. So I was left with the people I lived with. That was my husband and my kids. My husband shut down and my kids were not responsible for my emotional well-being. So I fell in the hole.

One of the things I realized after I "recovered" was that during the worst of it, my judgment of others was seriously off. I became friends with someone who thought they could help me. At least, that's what she said. I didn't find this out until it was almost too late. My husband and I had separated and I had gone to my mom's to help her with her mom because G'ma was dying. Right before that, I moved into this person's house as I had nowhere else to go. My kids still lived here so I didn't want to move away. She resented the fact that I went to my mom's house and to G'ma's funeral. All of this pushed me farther down the hole. A few months later, I reconciled with my husband and left that house. Getting out of there was one of the best decisions I ever made.

Although that's been almost 3 years ago and I am much better, the grief is still just under the surface. I will be going along with life as I know it and I feel pretty good, but there are moments when the rush of emotion will get the better of me. Yesterday, the need to hide and cry was so overwhelming I almost felt as though it could swallow me. I don't know what set it off, I just know it was bad. I think this is normal for anyone who has experienced a major loss in their life.

For those of you who think I'm just talking about the loss of a child, I am not. It could be the loss of a best friend, spouse, or family member. Those losses can be very profound and I would never assume that the grief would be easier than I had it. I don't know everyone else's experiences in life so I can't say that.

What I can tell you is this. If you let the grief so overwhelm you that you can't see the way out of the hole, it will swallow you. What helped me was a simple thought that ran through my head one day. I realized that by keeping myself from living and experiencing life, I was doing a great disservice to Amanda. She was so full of life and love that I was negating what she gave us. She taught us to enjoy life no matter the circumstances and accept the little things as precious. I wish everyone could see and accept that.

I am really excited about the debate tonight. I am really hoping to see some sparks. The first debate was rather sedate (ha!ha!). This one should be good. Sen. Biden has been known to have some zingers and we'll see if he holds out on Gov. Palin. We'll also see if Gov. Palin can keep a solid train of thought. Don't get me wrong. No matter what happens in November, we will have a first for our country. Women have been on the VP ticket before but none were ever voted in. This year we will have either a woman in the white house or our first Afican American as president. How cool is that? It is awesome! I just can't wait. Make sure you tune in!

Is anyone else confused about the whole bailout deal? Yesterday I was rather concerned about the fact that it didn't pass. Now I'm really not sure what to think. Are we all supposed to go to school for a serious economic degree so we know what we want our congress to do? Who was watching the people who got us this far? Aren't there laws regarding how money is handled? I just don't understand how we got to yesterday. It may mean I can't finish school and that really irks me. I raised my kids and did what I was supposed to do for Amanda (my daughter). Now I may not be able to do what I started out to do. I've always heard that "you can do anything you want to do" and "it's never too late". It actually may be now.

You have the right to disconnect - CNN.com

How does Pres. Bush feel about his fellow Republicans on Capitol Hill? If I were him, I would be seriously worried. So should John McCain. Their own party defeated this bill. I saw a clip from the Repubs claiming Nancy Pelosi caused the failure to pass. Are they all children? Is that what we have elected to our Congress? How can someone take office as a Senator or Representative of the United States, get mad on the playground and say, "if you don't play by my rules, I'll take my ball and go home". Does anyone else think that sounds like a playground fight? Who do they think they are? They aren't the ones who get hurt in the meantime. They need to GROW UP!!!!!

One of the classes I take had as the assignment to share a positive writing experience you've had. Here's mine!
In 1992, Amanda (my angel), had a craniotomy to remove a malignant brain tumor at LeBonheur Children's Hospital in Memphis TN. She was a patient at St. Jude Children's Research Hospital also in Memphis. LeBonheur has the best medical care for children. I think I'd be hard pressed to find better. In 1992, however, their ICU was not very parent-friendly. The rules were that all parents and visitors were to be removed when a child was being taken in or out for surgery, during shift change, or during an emergency. Mondays and Fridays were the scheduled surgery days. That meant many hours of not seeing your child. One day in particular, it was over 12 hours. She was in the ICU for two weeks because she developed pneumonia. It was rough with those kind of visitation rules. She was only four. After all that, she had radiation therapy at St. Jude.
We had been home about a month when I received the satisfaction survey in the mail from the hospital. I couldn't fill it out. I kept looking at it and getting angry all over again. This went on for six months. At first, I thought it was the emotions of the moment, but after that long I knew it was because I really felt as though we had been wronged. So I decided to write a letter. I knew it wouldn't do any good except make me feel better. I would have expressed my own thoughts not what was on a piece of standard junk mail. (That's how I feel about those surveys).
The letter started out with how much faith I had in their medical care. I told them I would not hesitate to take my daughter there again because I felt they had the best medical staff and facility for her. Then I told them how I felt about their visitation policies. I explained how even after six months I was just as upset as I was at the time. I also said that I would have expected it to subside. I felt that the emotional welfare of my child had not even been considered. After all, don't most people heal faster with a positive mental attitude? How scary was it for her at the age of four? I then signed my name, address, and phone number. I mailed it and forgot about it.
I received a call from the hospital's head of ICU about a month later. She called to tell me that she had been forwarded the letter from the office. After she read it, she contacted fifty other parents at random to ask them about the concerns I raised. To a parent, they agreed with me 100%. She also told me that because of the results, they had changed their policies in the ICU. She said it was because I wrote such an eloquent letter. I wasn't accusing or negative about their medical abilities. She was quite taken aback. She thanked me again and we hung up. I knew no other parents would have to go through a forced separation from their child again.
When Amanda needed the last surgery before she died, that's where she had it. I still feel the same way about the hospital and staff as I did in 1992. I had forgotten how much that meant to me until I wrote for the class. Writing is a wonderful thing. Even if you're the only one who sees it. Then again, an email to a friend can make the friend feel special and lift their spirits when they need it most.